Well, it has certianly been forever since I last wrote in this. Im thinking its because I got sent to bording school in Jay, Florida. The school is called "VICTORY Christian Academy".
Reading these enteries really makes me realize just how bad I was (ALthough not all of the details are included\ for you to read, I knew what was going on) I kinda beat around the bush in some of them, only telling part of the story to make myself look good, or either not thinking before doing things, I got into alcohol and pills, marijuana pretty hard. Im now a little more sane. Thank God I never tried meth or coke. I dont think I would be how I am today if I had. However, I have no desire or intetnion of trying them, or any other drugs of any kind.I'd like to say that Victory Christian saved my life. I also accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour there. Life isnt perfect, but I have this peace inside that I didnt have when I used to be miserable. I used to try to fill this void inside with alcohol, drugs, sex.but when I went to victory, all of that changed. I had no idea I was getting  sent there. My mom tricked me into thinking I was going with her to pick up a girl and escort her to the airport to her plane. Mom said we were taking HER to the airport. Then, while the girl began to cry, my mom whispers in her ear, "jocelyn is going too, but she doesn't know that" As my mom opened her mouth I watched her words slap me in the face and as I began looking for a place to run, I couldn't walk more than 10 steps before the tears came rolling and I began to break down. I could do nothing more than simply do what she asked. so I walked to the plane, sat down and buckled up. I know what youre thinking, YOU SHOULD HAVE RAN IDIOT. BUt where would I have gone? And even If I did get away, would I be as happy as I am now? Or would I be on the streets, trying to earn money any way I could, just to get my next fix. Stealing money, smoking weed, rolling E popping pills. where would I be today?

his name is Tal, and hes so amazingly wonderful...I heart him! Hehe :)

(ewwww yuck, we are not together thats sick)

Suddenly every feeling I had inside disappeared                                                      

 and all my hopes and dreams were faded;                                              

All of the things I had been trying to accomplish                                  

were distracted by the sound of his voice,                                        

by the look in his brown eyes, and by the                                        

sound of my own pounding heart.                                                  

His presence and his alone was all left that felt                         

needed. A companion recklessly hoped for?                           

 A new friend? Guess again, a mistake,                                  

 another heartbreak… another tragedy;                                  

 I make them over again for me, I watch as                          

they fall over and over again, another one rises                 

 as I let all remorse slip away within,                                   

I realize the only one I am hurting is myself.                      

Yet I am just a human being... Lost in this big galaxy.    

                                                                                           

Something small lays deep within
A feeling I try to ignore
But I still want you like I did,
I need you like before

Where do I go from here
I'm afraid I am lost; I fear
I see you and my thoughts of you are deep
non-hesitant to me you speak
your words,sing me to sleep
for you mean so much to me

Yet I cant see you, gone away
will you return to me
Come back someday
Its faded blacks and greys
as the smoke clears away
and its hard to breathe again
like every other day


TO: Tony Avakian
Eyes of stone but I'm yet to steal your heart,
you look right through me, an aquaintance, yet you cant see me...
Know nothing about you and why obsess over something you can't have?
Tease and torment me say that I am pretty, do you know even who I am?

Hmmm..what to do with my life?
lets see, I am single now, I am 15 and I have my whole life ahead of me so what th ehell am I gonna do, you may or may not ask yourself...
well kids, I am going to rock out to Led Zeppelin in my room, and then after zeppelin, Im gonna convert to NOFX and then AFI, then maybe a little Yellowcard, then sum
HIP -HOP  (just kidding, hell nah nukka!) substitute hip hop with **Offspring** and sfter offspring, sublime, then Nirvana, and then Im done..after all of this I will probably go eat some ice cream and then dance around my house like a maniac with my guitar, then pass out on the living room couch...

well well well, I just talked to my ex from like 3 years ago (6th grade) and we talked for a lonnnng time about school/boys/girls/ whatever...you name it..It made me so happy though that I got to talk to him cuz I thought he like hated me and I liked him so much...We went
out for a while in Jr.High and then I broke up with him cuz he lived too far away and I missed him too much...(and knowing me I wouldve called him liek everyday and he woulda got sick of me anyway)... so its all good... anyway, my valentines was fun, I chilled at Ambers with Brooke, Paige, and Hannah and then we went ding-dong-ditching and saw some cute boys (who we didnt talk to) then after that I went to a kick back...It was alright ...Then wesley and I texted eachothe like all day, it was fun...anyhow, i wrote him a song a while back... if you wanna see it you have to ask niceley!!!
jkay, here it is...

okay, so heres the news; I am currently dating Brian and he is riding his dirtbike on Valentines day so I am going to kick it with my punk rocker friend ashley crow and brooke warner, (shana and heather too) and we are gonna do something fun (like eating) lol and we are gonna all go and get drunk afterward...I wish that was true, that'd be the ultimate Valentines Day cuz I have been so depressed latley..I cant even write happy songs for our band anymore...I find myself thinking " Is there any HAPPY left in me" yeah its sad...

Something I just wrote (its korny)
Dont feel bad for me
I dont want your sympathy

OMG, I have been grounded for like...ever...well lets see whats new...I am getting my cell back in a few days, i got it taken away becuz I got grounded for dying my hair...lol...i dont blame my mom for grounding me tho cuz my hair looks like shyt...lol...Anyhow, I am gonna be a rockstar and you cant count on that, I have started a band, but we havent thought of any names, so if u think of any, let me know. Theres Kenny Walker on Drums, Cody (screaming and back up vocals) Me, Jocelyn Parker on vocals and bass and then theres Chris White on Guitar...Its pretty GNarley! I dont know, I cant get rid of justin...maybe I should just sleep on it.